In February of 1992, I surrendered to God's call on my life for ministry. Over the next several years, He opened up Scripture to me through my own personal Bible study, church teaching, and people around me.
Through the long and winding road of life, I found myself in May of 2008 in desperate straits. After struggling the previous couple of years with my wife's health, my mother's health, and financial issues, it all came to a conclusion in the last week of May of 2008. My wife decided we needed to spend "time apart," my mother died, and as I was already in the process of moving, was forced to move in with my father. I have never felt so alone, abandoned, and abused in my life.
I was in the shower (naked before God as one friend said) and reflecting on the time in my life just after I accepted my call to ministry. God slapped me upside the head and asked me, "Why do you think I did that??" In other words He isn't done with me yet. He pressed upon me to pursue Christian Education and a particular place of study. My honest reaction was "You gotta be kidding me!!! The shape my life is in and all that has gone on and you show this to me NOW!!!???!!?? What the...." I spoke to several friends, pastors and my own pastor. My objection was just that, my situation. I received some encouragement to pursue it and let God work so I applied to Gardner Webb University.
As many of you know, I went on a spiritual retreat last year and God fundamentally changed me. I had been living in fear for so long of serving God with my whole heart, of being who He has made me, of standing out (like I could avoid it??). He also showed that I was more focused on my situation than I was on Him and His calling in my life. That my own preconceived notions were standing in the way of serving Him. I immediately let those go. Now, I am free for the first time in my life to be who He wants me to be. I am free to serve Him without fear.
Also while I was at the retreat, several men came to me and said that I should go into ministry or asked me when I was going to surrender to God's call. Apparently God's call is very evident upon me. One said that it just poured out of me. To me, it was a sign of God's continuing pursuit of me.
It had been several weeks since I had applied to Gardner Webb and had received no word. When I came home from this retreat, I sat down at my pc on Monday morning for my morning devotion. A notice popped up, as soon as I sat down, that I had received an email from Gardner Webb University. I immediately opened it and it was an email stating they wanted more info to start my college experience there.
I am now in a church that has embraced me. I have people encouraging me each and every time I see them to serve God and people that want to give me opportunities to put my gifts and talents to work. People who encourage me that I still have more talents and gifts yet to give and discover. People who see in me abilities that I do not yet see and will not let me sell myself short. The kind of people I have needed in my life for a long time. All of this would not have happened if my wife and I were still together.
In speaking with a "new found friend" about this yesterday, I had an epiphany of sorts. I used to feel sorry for myself because this happened. Now I praise God. I realized that had this not happened to me, I would not be where I am now. My life is still in tatters emotionally (to a degree) and financially, but spiritually I am closer to Jesus Christ than I have ever been in my life. God showed me that what I saw as a curse, He is using for a blessing. That I may serve Him openly with a whole heart, full of His Spirit, Word, and (hopefully) Power. I used to cry over this event in my life, now I smile and praise God.
God bless all who read this that they may be encouraged and hopeful that God is not done with them yet. Amen.
Through the long and winding road of life, I found myself in May of 2008 in desperate straits. After struggling the previous couple of years with my wife's health, my mother's health, and financial issues, it all came to a conclusion in the last week of May of 2008. My wife decided we needed to spend "time apart," my mother died, and as I was already in the process of moving, was forced to move in with my father. I have never felt so alone, abandoned, and abused in my life.
I was in the shower (naked before God as one friend said) and reflecting on the time in my life just after I accepted my call to ministry. God slapped me upside the head and asked me, "Why do you think I did that??" In other words He isn't done with me yet. He pressed upon me to pursue Christian Education and a particular place of study. My honest reaction was "You gotta be kidding me!!! The shape my life is in and all that has gone on and you show this to me NOW!!!???!!?? What the...." I spoke to several friends, pastors and my own pastor. My objection was just that, my situation. I received some encouragement to pursue it and let God work so I applied to Gardner Webb University.
As many of you know, I went on a spiritual retreat last year and God fundamentally changed me. I had been living in fear for so long of serving God with my whole heart, of being who He has made me, of standing out (like I could avoid it??). He also showed that I was more focused on my situation than I was on Him and His calling in my life. That my own preconceived notions were standing in the way of serving Him. I immediately let those go. Now, I am free for the first time in my life to be who He wants me to be. I am free to serve Him without fear.
Also while I was at the retreat, several men came to me and said that I should go into ministry or asked me when I was going to surrender to God's call. Apparently God's call is very evident upon me. One said that it just poured out of me. To me, it was a sign of God's continuing pursuit of me.
It had been several weeks since I had applied to Gardner Webb and had received no word. When I came home from this retreat, I sat down at my pc on Monday morning for my morning devotion. A notice popped up, as soon as I sat down, that I had received an email from Gardner Webb University. I immediately opened it and it was an email stating they wanted more info to start my college experience there.
I am now in a church that has embraced me. I have people encouraging me each and every time I see them to serve God and people that want to give me opportunities to put my gifts and talents to work. People who encourage me that I still have more talents and gifts yet to give and discover. People who see in me abilities that I do not yet see and will not let me sell myself short. The kind of people I have needed in my life for a long time. All of this would not have happened if my wife and I were still together.
In speaking with a "new found friend" about this yesterday, I had an epiphany of sorts. I used to feel sorry for myself because this happened. Now I praise God. I realized that had this not happened to me, I would not be where I am now. My life is still in tatters emotionally (to a degree) and financially, but spiritually I am closer to Jesus Christ than I have ever been in my life. God showed me that what I saw as a curse, He is using for a blessing. That I may serve Him openly with a whole heart, full of His Spirit, Word, and (hopefully) Power. I used to cry over this event in my life, now I smile and praise God.
God bless all who read this that they may be encouraged and hopeful that God is not done with them yet. Amen.
Just had a chance to read this...My heart was blessed to hear how God has worked. I'm certainly among those who know that God has a place of ministry for you...a work that ""he has created before you, that you should walk in it." Much of life is the progression toward that work it seems, but in hind sight, I think we'll come to see that the progression itself was that work!
ReplyDeleteI think you are right Larry. The "Journey" (gotta sell the theme ya know) usually is the work, poor God, he doesn't have much to work with in me :) but He stills loves me.
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