Remembering the Past

I have been away from the house a couple of nights this week, which has become rare for me. And each night I gazed up at the sky and although most of the stars were blotted out by the city lights, there was a bright planet glowing in the night sky declaring boldly, "Look at me!!" I paused for a few seconds to gaze at it and wondered which planet it was. I felt the urge to stare at it as though some unknown knowledge of which planet it was and what existence on that planet might be like would come to me. As I pulled my head back down and began to walk down the sidewalk again, my mind wandered back to a night a few years back when God spoke to me.

It was the summer of 2006 and I had just gotten home from work. It was almost midnight as my shift didn't end until 11:00 p.m. My wife had become ill over the last few weeks and was now in a wheelchair, a state of being which would dominate our lives for the next year and a half. She was in pain constantly and this pain prohibited her from walking. We were living on the campus of the Bible college I had graduated from and which she was now a student. Her inability to walk and function would mean that we would soon have to move off campus and the rental rates off campus were at least twice as much as we were paying. The constant doctor visits, the medications, all the expenses were beginning to add up and I was in utter confusion as to what to do. I sat in the truck and cried out to God in agony. On top of the financial difficulties was the fact that I had to watch my wife suffer. There is nothing worse for a man than having to watch his wife suffer in pain and be helpless to ease it. As I got out of the truck I looked up at the sky. I wandered toward the field behind the dorms. As I walked I talked with God, mumbling to Him about needing His help, about being helpless, and seeking what to do.

I got to the middle of the field and just stood mumbling and occasionally looking up at the sky. Eventually I stopped talking and just stood there peering into the sky as if I was straining to see God. Then He spoke. "If I can create these stars, planets, galaxies, and all that is in the universe, I can handle your problems." I stood in silence still, but inside me there was a change of scenery. Hope replaced despair. Trust removed doubt. He did not tell me what He was going to do nor how He was going to do it. What He said was, "I got this."

Sometimes we forget that God IS on His throne and that nothing escapes His watchful eye as it goes to and fro beholding both the good and the wicked. I had forgotten that God was on the throne. Yet that night, He spoke to me in the middle of a field behind the dorm building of a Bible college campus located out in the woods of a small Southern town when there was no one else around but the cows.

This week, when I bent my head upwards to gaze at the stars, my mind recalled the position of my head on that night and now when I peer up at the sky I still hear His voice, "I got this."