Surreal

I have been in PA now for almost a year, and what a difference a year makes. This week I went to my first Leadership meeting for GBC, and I must say it was a different experience for me. I sat in a room with 5 other adults and discussed plans for the upcoming events and growth of GBC. I was given respect and treated like a competent adult. These are new experiences for me. I am generally on the outside looking in desiring and hoping to be of help. Any advice I have given has been dismissed or smiled at with a gratuitous thank you. In short, I have never been taken seriously.

I am being given an opportunity here and I do not wish to fail. I want to succeed because that means people are growing in their walk with Christ and lives are being changed. This is my field of study. This is why the Lord lead me to study Christian education (or discipleship, if you prefer). This is my desire in serving the Lord.

It is difficult to describe the inner change that happens when you go from struggling to make ends meet (even when you have no ends), being an after thought in the majority of people's lives, and feeling like your life has no direction or purpose to making a livable wage, being sought after to help a church, and having people believe in you. It is like going from dark to light, death to life, empty to overflowing, despair to hope. It is remarkable the change that happens when you believe that someone else also believes in you. When someone else believes that you have worth and have something of value to share, it is easier to believe it yourself. A minister and coworker at a church I once was employed at asked me why I wasn't on staff there (he meant on the ministerial staff), and I told him it was because I didn't have "IT." I explained that I meant whatever "IT" is that people or churches are looking for, they haven't seen it in me. He emphatically stated that I did have "IT." I agreed, but not verbally. I believe I have something of value inside me to offer to the Lord in service to His Church, but no one else, who had the ability to give me an opportunity, has ever agreed with me. The Lord has now seen fit to open those doors of opportunity in His way and in His time, and I must say, it is surreal.

Living with Success

For a long while, I have hoped God would choose to use me in a big way in a ministry. However, in the various churches I have been a member of and ministries I have been involved in, there has always been something that always kept me on the side. Opportunities closed or no opportunities at all.

Now at GBC, the Lord seems to have opened the door for me to do what I have been trained for and what I have longed to do. Now I have to learn something new: how to live with an open door. I'm not used to having someone believe in me or be excited that I am part of their organization. I have met with the pastor and assistant pastor for the last two weeks and we are planning the startup for GBC's new discipleship/small group program. It's a new feeling, but I am learning to deal with it. As far as success goes, we will wait and see how the program goes to see if I am a success at following the Lord's leadership.

Does Your Life Make an Impact?

If you were to ask most people why they do not go to church, my bet is they would say it is because of someone they know. They would say this person is a hypocrite because of how they live. They are supposed to be a Christian, but they do _______ (fill in the blank). Some, if not most, of this criticism is justified. There are many times in my life I have lost the ability to be an effective witness because of some attitude or action I have taken. Some of it is also the ignorance of the accuser. They think a Christian should be this or that. Christians don't talk about certain topics, or listen to certain music, or watch certain movies or TV programs. Either way it is mostly because of a failure of most Christians to engage the people and the culture around them that many have this view of the hypocrisy of Believers.

Recently, I have come to find an irony to this situation. If you were to ask most people why they DO go to church their answer would probably be the same. No, not because of hypocrites, but because they know someone there. A friend or relative goes to church so they do as well. Some people go because they like the pastor. He may be friendly or a good speaker. Some may go for the music ministry. While others may go because of the programs offered for the children. But there will always be someone there to influence them into coming to church.

This is both good and bad news.

It tells me that if we, as Christians, create and maintain relationships with those around us, there is a good chance they might come to church (or be driven away). The best news is that we have influence. We have the ability to affect someone's life. This principle holds true for life in general. If you care for people and treat them well, you can do great things in this life. The question remains: How will your life affect those around you?

My One Guiding Principle

I just had an epiphany, revelation, realization, a moment of enlightenment; call it what you will, but God has given me new sight into my life.

I have lived the vast majority of my life with one guiding principle: follow Christ. I have failed at times, but my greatest desire is to be in God's will doing the work He has planned for me (Eph 2:10).

There have been some great, grievous, embarrassing sins in my life. It seems that God has protected me from the worst case scenarios of consequences. Where I deserved judgment and punishment, He gave Grace. But the times in my life where I abandoned my one guiding principle, He has brought the hammer down hard and plain for me to see. He has been clear and concise in his discipline of my rebellion, for Hebrews 12 says that whom God loves, He chastens, and if you do not receive discipline, you are not His child.

The point is this. Jesus called His followers to do just that: follow. He did not say come and be sinless, He simply says follow. Christians often get bogged down in the guilt of their past or present sins. But Christ has called us to follow Him, and allow Him to deal with the imperfections in our life. I fret about so many things, but only one is truly needful: follow Christ. It doesn't make life easy or the road less hard, but it makes it understandable. It gives my vast wanderings in life purpose. It lets me know that in my wandering to Pennsylvania and the things I worry about are nothing if I follow Christ. I believe He has brought me here, and He has provided for me. I have begun to look at my paltry possessions and realize, they are mine. Bought with my money. The heat I enjoy is paid for by me. I rely on no one else to pay my bills and they are paid. He has brought me here and given me my independence and allowed me to become a man. The man He wishes me to be. And it is all because of my one guiding principle: follow Christ.

I Love You Lord

What a Discussion

⁵¹ I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats of this bread will live forever; and the bread that I will give for the life of the world is my flesh.” ⁵² The Jews then disputed among themselves, saying, “How can this man give us his flesh to eat?”

John 6:51-52 got me thinking. What kind of discussion could have taken place here?

First, they DISPUTED what he said. They actually argued and quarreled! Did they dispute the method? Fried? Boiled? Baked? Raw? I wonder if they prefer mild or spicy? Would it be kosher? Exactly what is there to dispute? Did some want to actually eat him? Were they arguing that Jesus was speaking literally or figuratively?

Second, they not only argued, but they argued with EACH OTHER and not Jesus. I have said a lot of controversial things in my life, but I have never said anything that started an argument among other people. Especially while I was still talking and standing there. They just started arguing amongst themselves over eating his flesh. I really don't know what to say but to laugh at the absurdity of it all.

Is there anything significant we can learn from this? Not sure. It does, however, point to the fact that the Jews would argue over anything. They were so concerned over control and power that they would fight about the Law and its nuances. They were so focused on arguing that they missed the way to Heaven standing in front of and talking to them.

First Things First

John 5:10-12 in the Contemporary English Version reads, "When the Jewish leaders saw the man carrying his mat, they said to him, "This is the Sabbath! No one is allowed to carry a mat on the Sabbath." But he replied, "The man who healed me told me to pick up my mat and walk." They asked him, "Who is this man that told you to pick up your mat and walk?"

Here we have a man who had been lame for 38 years, and all the Jewish leaders care about is him breaking a trivial Jewish statute. The Law Moses gave was to keep the Sabbath day holy. The Jews went back and added many things that a person could or could not do during the Sabbath. I believe there are about 39 subcategories of regulations for Sabbath observance now, but I am not sure if these 39 were in place at the time of Jesus. Minutia, minutia, minutia was the focus of these Jewish leaders in the text. Why are you carrying your mat? Who told you to carry your mat? The whole time they believe they are defending God's Law, but they are missing God's work! Here was a man lame for 38 years and is now walking! Did they rejoice? No! Did they give praise to God? No!

Now the healed man did not know who it was that had healed him. Verse 14 says, "Later, Jesus met the man in the temple and told him, 'You are now well. But don't sin anymore or something worse might happen to you.'" Note where Jesus met the man: in the Temple. I infer from this that the man was giving thanks to God for healing. This lame man now healed was giving praise and thanks to the One who was worthy rather than worrying about the nuances of the Law. Once he knew who it was that had healed him, he told the Jewish leaders that it was Jesus who had healed him. Their response was to begin persecuting Jesus for doing God's work on the Sabbath.

Are we like the Jews in this passage? Do we worry so much about minor things in life or religion that we actually miss where God is working? Matthew 22:37-40 reads, "Jesus said to him, You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.'" Our focus should be on the people that Christ died for: everyone. People are more important than the Law. They are the focus and the fulfilling of the Law. Serving others and putting their needs first is the fulfillment of the Law. This should be the focus of a Christian's life; serving God and serving others. In this way we fulfill the Law, love people, and keep first things first.

Strange Days

I can't sleep. Monday was a strange day. I was filled with an unsettled feeling in the evening. I felt like there was a void inside me that food, entertainment, or fellowship could not fill. I was searching for something. I do not know exactly why I felt this way, but there may be a couple of reasons.

A couple of weeks ago I discovered this beautiful love song by Ed Sheeran (never heard of him, had to look up how to spell his last name just now) called "Thinking Out Loud." It's a simple folksy song that I just really enjoy, especially since I am a romantic kind of sap. Maybe that got me to thinking about various relationships over the last couple of years that have ended one way or another and left me feeling a little melancholy.

I think the true culprit is my bed. I have been in PA since April 1st, so it has been a full 8 months. Monday marked the day my bed was delivered. I slept on an air mattress the first few months. It died, so I bought another one. The second one just wasn't as good and once I moved into my second apartment in August, I have been sleeping on my couch. It has recliners on both ends, so between each section, there are boards which can dig into my side, or hips, or knees. I also bought a cheap bookshelf last week to match the other cheap bookshelf I have from Wal Mart which allowed me to get the box of books that was lying on the floor at one end of the couch out of the floor and into the shelf.

I guess the truth is, I have been living as somewhat of a vagabond in PA. I have been living as though this experiment may collapse at any moment and I would be back home in NC. The bed and the shelf bring permanence into my life. No more temporary arrangements. I have settled in. Truth is, it has been several years since I have slept on a bed that was big enough with a solid foundation. The bed I had back home was a twin (don't ask why), which coincidentally is the same size as me. The bed frame gave up a leg so it has been on the floor for a while. On top of these things, I am becoming deeply involved at my church. I am assisting in the 3rd-5th grade boys class. This Sunday I begin taking pictures for the church directory. I have been working on the list of names for a week or two now. I was asked to volunteer to run sound on a regular basis. Maybe the fear has passed and I am finally "at home." This is me. This is my life. This is where the Lord wants me. Maybe the truth is that I have found what I have been looking for: a corner. Not the type of corner you put a child in when they misbehave, but a corner that signifies a change of direction. It finally feels like the life filled with pain, anger, and frustration I have had for almost seven years is fading behind me into a new life.

What Do You Lack?

Often in my life I have thought about the things I might do if I didn't lack something. Whether it was money, time, or even talent, I have thought if I just had (fill in the blank) I could do this or that. I am sure that many of us have felt a similar feeling. This attitude can creep into the spiritual realm as well.

What if I told you that you and I have everything we need to live a life that pleases God? 2 Peter 1:3-4 says, "His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire"(ESV). We make so many excuses that we forget that God is with us and has given ALL that we need to please Him.

Maybe we have the wrong perspective. Maybe your perspective is that you must be sinless to be used of God? Name someone from the Bible who you think was a great person of faith and I will almost guarantee you that they are guilty of sins "greater" than any you may have committed. David was an adulterer. Moses was a murderer. Abraham lied and claimed his wife was his sister. Paul put Christians to death. Peter denied Christ at least three times. You may say that the Bible says, "Therefore be perfect, even as your Father in Heaven is perfect." The word for perfect here means to be complete or mature, not a sinless perfection. We let Satan hinder us from serving because he tells us we aren't good enough. God has not called us unto sinless perfection, but He has given us that through Christ. He sees us as perfectly holy. We are called to follow Christ's leading in our life and He will never lead us somewhere He has not been or to do something He cannot do through us. So if you are called to do something you don't think you can do, just remember what you are lacking: nothing.

Who Do You Love?

Familiarity breeds contempt is an old saying. It means that we take for granted those things, places, or people we know the best. We take for granted that, during our life time, they will be there. Our favorite restaurant, our favorite chair, that hidden fishing spot, or our parents are just some things we may assume will be there when we need them. So, in assuming they will be there, we often do not give them the love and attention they need.

Maybe another example would be when a married couple "grow apart." It seems that some men tend to lose the desire to pursue their spouses after they are married. No more dates, flowers, or cards since they have captured the love of their life! It's all about paying bills and raising kids!

I have noticed something similar in the Church. Often we focus on those outside of the church walls, and rightfully so, since we have a mandate to win those who are lost from Jesus Himself. But I have seen that focus get to the point where we no longer care for those inside the church walls. They have been "captured" so we seem to worry less about them. We do not give them the attention and care they need and deserve. We assume they will continue to come to church and be active and volunteer and so on. While we are reaching out to those who do not know Christ, we cannot neglect the needs of fellowship, discipleship, and love to those who have come to know Christ already. The title to this blog post is really a misnomer. It isn't 'Who Do You Love?' as though you can't do both, it is a call to do both and allow the Lord to use you wherever He needs. Whether it be more for those inside the Church or outside, you will never know unless you love first and let Him decide where to work through you.